We Choose Our Own Success Or Failure

Just watched Luck by Chance and it was a good movie to watch.. Some of the dialogues were deeper than they first seem to be.. One such was “We choose our own success or failure” .. Profound indeed if you ponder over it..

The way i thought about this was.. What we term as success for ourselves could very well be failure for someone else.. Ive always been contemplating as to what means success to me and what failure means..

Ive always had to sacrifice one thing for another.. Like family for work.. love for work and vice versa.. I guess men dont multitask that well.. I can only focus at one thing at a time which means I usually end up compromising..

One other thing is deciding one’s level of enough where you reach and say.. Yea Im successful in this lets move on to other things in life and expand my horizons..

Deep questions indeed.. Ive always found insights in movies that Ive watched.. Ofcouse books are other source of insight and real life experiences are even better (thats when you get time to reflect on them)..

Selfless Love Is Rare.. If you find it.. Treasure it!

I miss my mom.. (She passed away more than 10 years back).. One would say everyone who has lost their loved one missed them.. While i agree.. After 10 years I can sense why I miss my mom so much..

The only form of selfless love ive experienced is from her.. Its so rare in this world.. Its not like my mum used to pamper me infact quite on the contrary.. She wouldn’t let me watch tv at night.. she wouldn’t take my tantrums on food and would stuff whatever was made into my mouth..

She also would go for her morning walks even though i would hug her tight in the morning wanting her not to go..

Knowing all this you might ask did she even love me? Well she did… She would do anything that would help me grow into a better human being..

The incident I remember distinctly is in the year 1997.. I was wanting to take french in school but the school guys wouldn’t let me.. My mum who at that time was suffering from cancer left no stone unturned to make sure i got french in school.. I didn’t let her down.. She expired in 1998 but I did well in french both in school and in college..

Its been 10 years and Ive been searching for that kind of selfless love in every girl ive met.. Its rare.. Ive not felt as secure in 10 years as I felt when I gave my mum a hug at night.. Very few people can make you feel like that.. When you find such people.. make sure you hold on to them no matter what.. Life requires a lot of strength to get through it.. A lot of our strength comes from within.. But when someone like that holds you hand and you know that incase something breaks inside this person on the outside with help you put the pieces together then there aint no better feeling than that..

Selfless love is rare.. Treasure it!

Running hard.. Try to Reach.. Nowhere..

Mumbai or Bombay is a fast city.. Its a lively city which takes the life out of your life.. I used to travel a lot by train when my office was in colaba and used to look at thousands of people embark on a journey of discomfort to say the least most of them in their own thoughts rarely speaking to anyone else but still with so much of noise around.. The card playing gujju uncles, the beggars, one couple in which the guy is trying to protect the girl.. In my 1 year of constant to and fro from andheri to colaba I must have seen thousands of faces of people like myself who were travelling in that same train..

I sometimes wondered.. Where are these people going? Most of them with little or no expression on their face.. As if life deserted them.. Its makes you feel sad.. But once in a while there used to be a small kid travelling in the train who would be so cheerful that the people sitting beside him/her would smile a little..

Kids have that magic in them they are the closest to god i.e. they must have met god only a few years back and people like us who are 20 and above years old have already forgotten him.. Maybe thats why kids are happy.. and so free.. fearless.. and all things other people want to be..

But what about those thousands of faces where were they headed.. every day.. so many of them are running every morning.. even evening.. made life exciting but with little purpose.. Why are so many people running? and where are they trying to reach??

We all die in the end don’t we? Then where are so many people running?? One day I just stood at the platform.. looking at people run.. It made me realise i was so common.. like them.. part of a crowd.. running to nowhere..

Sometimes the greatest lessons in life is learnt when you stop and look around rather than go with the flow.. Maybe if we stop and look around we might find the path we want to go which isnt where everyone else is headed..

The World Is Round My Dear.. It Will All Come Back..

What do you do when someone is rude to you? Well smile.. Coz the world is round.. Dont give what you don’t like to get.. Its not that easy as it sounds.. A lot of times situations are such that we all end up screwing things up and others suffer due to us.. Not that we ever meant it but I guess screwing up is the only way we grow up!

Ive screwed up many times in my life.. A lot of times I was immature and sometimes I was just in a bad situation and tried to escape it..

But all the time I never did anything intentionally.. I am a guy driven by emotions and things get very complicated when you have to choose between people, career and family when you are an emotionally charged person like me..

So yes we all screw up.. But then what do we do after that? Do we say sorry? Can we remember one person whom we owe an apology and we haven’t yet apologize? I can remember quite a few and many Im not in contact with and have no way to contact either (phone’s lost.. number lost) but still have I tried? Nope.. Well this is what happens we hurt others and forget saying sorry thinking it wont matter.. But more than them it matters to us.. Coz the very fact we can remember those whom we hurt means our conscience isn’t clear.. You are carrying a burden my friend.. Imagine how far in life will you get with burden??

Recently I said sorry to someone for what I did and I had meant it genuinely.. But the person got angry possibly because that person got reminded of the hurt.. And instead of letting bygones be bygones the person got irritated and stopped talking to me.. Its funny! Till I had not apologized she was fine with talking to me.. The moment I did she remembered her hurt and got pissed with me.. Did I make a mistake apologizing???

Well not really.. I guess that person was a kind of person who buries hurts and forgets but never forgives.. I cant do much but atleast Im happy I took one burden off my shoulders.. Hopefully one day that person will understand why forgiveness is the greatest gift! Forgiveness onto others and forgiveness towards oneself..

Its true what you give is what you get.. So be very careful.. its better to give forgiveness than anger.. Its better to give love than hatred.. Its better to be nice than naughty.. err well a lil naughty is fine I guess you get the drift.. so go out there and give all the nice things and wait.. Nice things will come back! (Psst.. Same may not apply for naughty )

Sunday Blues…

Welll sunday’s are days when I just laze around and do the following things…

1) get up late

2) Eat like a dog

3) Watch tv like a sack of potatoes kept on the sofa

4) Watch movies like ive never seen them

5) Lissen to music and dance in front of the mirror.. Yea i appreciate my own dancing!

6) If all else fails read a book..

When family is around we go visiting our extended family and the get togethers are super fun!

Me and My Dancing Partner

My skool dancing partner Miss D called.. She is also the first girl i asked out in my life so conversations with her will always be special.. Its so funny people from ur past take you back to the past.. I spoke to her for 30 mins I think and for all those 30 mins i felt like i was 12 years old!

Now before she reads this and kills me i must clarify we are just friends.. I dont feel anything for her beyond friendship but yea she is my oldest friend.. not the bestest yet.. I guess we have different lives.. and also the fact that she lives in kharghar which is super far away from my place..

But nonetheless she was and i think will remain the girl I danced the most with.. (we did some 50 odd dances together.. so its tuff to beat..)

Was just coaxing her today to come with me to join one of these fancy dance classes.. u know the jive and salsa types.. but i guess she is scared of me (D if ur reading this BOO) .. I think she feels I will dance better than her and she would feel inferior.. (D i know u hate me.. but i still love u!! lolz)

Well i dont blame her I am a better dancer.. (though a lil out of touch these days) but still.. Im sure I can kick anyones ass when it comes to grooving to music.. I remember not to looong ago i had danced with someone on its the time to disco.. was one of my best dance moments.. also thinking abt that i recollect that women usually giggle when they have nuthin to say… and if u stare at them.. they say WAT??…lolz

Negativity I Will Ignore You

I choose to ignore.. shut out.. abandon.. and if all fails even kill negativity… Ive realised that more often than not i come across nah sayers who feel what Im doing is wrong.. What looks wrong now may not be wrong 3-4 months down the line.. Its funny how your quality of life is completely dependant upon how much you believe and back yourself.. Inspite of all the brickbats and Nahhh you get from people..

Its a tough life.. A lonely life.. but if you believe then stand by what you are doing.. those who desert you today will join you tomorrow.. Your belief is your greatest asset and the best way to kill negativity..

It wont be easy.. Nothing ever is.. But It will be worth it.. One day.. You will be proud.. That you fought.. Fought hard.. And conquered!

Do We Give Up On Our Dreams Early?? Why Dont We ROCK ON? When we really need to..

Dreams we all have them.. Some are fulfilled and that feels awesome.. some aren’t and those ones always bring you down.. Cant I have everything I want? Do I really need to compromise to get one thing over another?

Well just saw a movie rock on and made me wonder if I had become like farhan akhtar the lead band singer turned investment banker who was living his life in a mechanical way.. Was I doing the same thing living my life in a mechanical way? What happened to my dancing for which I was known for throughout school and somewhat in college? (I blew my chances in college with my good for nothing ego!)

What happened to that spark? I was such a great guy to be with in school in the 6th std (long time i know) but all chics thought i was a star.. Dun know what happened? Maybe I cared too much about what others said especially those insignificant others who aren’t even your friends and never will be! I thinK I also took myself too seriously and not what I want seriously!

But what did I want? I wanted to dance.. yes it made me complete in someway.. It was magic! Also in college I had directed a short film! it was the best project we worked on..! The was surely some magic!

I was always creative.. even today the thrill of creating something be it a marketing strategy, blog design or a company is very exciting to me!

Where did all that creativity go? Did I kill it? Did I compromise with it? Not yet.. But yes I do feel like the way Farhan akhtar felt in the movie.. I need to rediscover my passions and all that defined me beyond what my work does currently..

Rajiv Dingra was a lot of things beside being a businessman.. He was the best dancer.. the funiest friend.. the most flirtacious guy.. the most exciting guy to hang with.. he was also a fitness freak.. he was also a wannabe guitar player.. A wannabe travel enthusiast.. A wannabe nature lover..  He was so much more than who I am today..

Its time to rediscover myself.. Its time to do different things and also to do things differently..

My Tryst With Ganpati..

Well ganpati the god and ganesh utsav the festival and me share a unique relationship.. For the record im no religious guy but im not athiest either.. I certainly do believe there is god.. now whether its in each one of us or outside can be debated..

But coming back to ganpati festival.. I love this festival for a few things the topmost being Modak! yea the sweet that is distributed during the festival.. as a kid I used to love modak.. I would steal it without guilt! And i think that’s still one part of me that has remained unchanged over the years.. So my love for modak makes this festival special because besides for ganpati festival one doesn’t get modak off sweet stores otherwise.

The second is that I have been to a few ganpati festivals which I have thoroughly enjoyed! I can recollect one of them to a friends place around 4 years back where I had a great time.. It was more for romantic reasons that ganpati or god himself but as they say God is where love is .. So it was special because of that.. And the one I love looked angelic in yellow.. yea not white but yellow.. And I havent seen her looking so beautiful since.. Was it the whole festival mood or the presence of God I aint sure but it was surely something that day.. I also got to eat ladoo from her hands..

Now these were the reasons I quite like ganpati.. the ones why I dont are the noise.. I think that sucks.. I remember a time when I felt like killing all the ganpati revellers! It was around 11 years ago when my mum was sick.. And it was then that Ganpati festival was on.. She just couldn’t sleep because of all the noise and our house was road facing on the 1st floor. She died in the next 6 months but I developed anger towards all the noise and over the years haven’t  been able to get over that anger.. Till date I cant bear the noise.. I feel like slapping all those who play the loud music without concern for who might be affected..

So this was my tryst with ganpati so far.. If you have had any experiences Id love to hear them!

The Painful Love..

Love hurt when you said go..

Love hurt when you didn’t know..

Love hurt when you were far..

Love hurt at every odd hour..

Love hurt when i remembered “goodbye”

Love hurt and I couldn’t even cry..

Love hurt more than I could bear..

Love hurt till i gave up right here!